Biopsy performed Monday confirmed that I have lobular carcinoma.  I am not sure if it was ironic to get that diagnosis during Breast Cancer awareness month, but I am sure it was earth shattering to me.

 

I am fat but other than that, I am and always have been a healthy individual.  Why i have cancer is far too great a question to ponder now and I already know there would not be a simple, straightforward answer so I will move on.

 

There is a flurry of activity now (scans, consultations, etc.) leading up to mastectomy on Oct 29.  I care nothing about my breasts, have no attachment to them, so I will bid them a not so fond adieu.   Oh, the cancer is in left breast but  my surgeon suggests we strongly consider removing both regardless of what the PET and MRI reveal.  So there’s that.

 

I received confirmation of this diagnosis late Thursday afternoon.  It was a most gorgeous fall day in sunny Florida.  Blue sky, no clouds, no humidity and warm sun – a perfect day unless your life is threatened.  There are three “aggressiveness” markers for this particular cancer.  The biopsy results for two of those markers are very much in my favor.  Yea me!  The third marker will probably be in on Monday.  So I hurry up and wait.

 

I left the doc’s office and drove to my mother’s.   I told my mom and 2 sisters, cried a lot, drank a beer and went home to get a couple of 1 hour naps in before heading to work on Friday.  Real sleep never showed up that night.   Too afraid, I figured.

 

So on Friday morning I performed all my usual routines and even had to make a quick trip to grocery store on the way to work.  The clerk said “thanks and have a great day” as she handed me my change.  “You too,” i called over my shoulder while thinking “too late for that”.  The store manager passed me on my way out the front door. “Take care” he said with a genuine smile.  I smile back and nod while muttering “that’s what I thought I had been doing”. Oh well.

 

My surgeon is a breast specialist who has to deliver really bad news fairly often so she is well practiced in the art and science and psychology of it all.  As she schooled me through what is and what will be in the near term she kept soliciting questions from me.  Eventually I got to the question – THE question. “Am I gonna live to be an old woman?”

 

Her answer, which comes from the art and science and psychology of it all, was pragmatic.  It was as straightforward as you can get and would never make it into a script for a Lifetime Network movie of the week. She said they all come to work every day hoping to make improvements in patient’s lives.  And that is what they were gonna do for me.  They were gonna try to make an improvement in my life.  

So the journey I have been traveling on for the past 56 years has taken an unexpected turn.  My personal GPS is recalculating.

 

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