Remember when Joey on FRIENDS said “this is a moo point – a cow’s opinion”.  Priceless.

When would I have gotten “sick” and what would that have been?  I keep going back to that question.  Obviously I had a big ole tumor that had spread a bit so when was I going to feel sick?  And what would my symptoms have been?  In the long run it truly doesn’t matter and is more of a curiosity now.  But still I wonder.

And I wonder what the genesis was and how long the cancer was parked in there.  I am a regular visitor to my docs and keep a faithful schedule of exams and checkups for all my body parts – boobs, teeth, eyes, uterus, colon, etc., so…so…so…this sneaky little bastard hid from view for some period of time that is now and will be forever unknown.  I don’t like not knowing.  Makes me feel powerless.

So cancer will be my constant companion even if I make it to remission.  Because I have read enough to know that once it identifies a host, it is most reluctant to vacate the premises permanently.   Like an extra layer of belly fat or crow’s feet or skin tags, it is just a part of my life from this point forward.  But unlike those items, it more likely an aggressive participant in my death.

I am not depressed.  I am just thinking this through at least partly because I got the lab report today from second surgery.  3 of 16 axilary Imagenodes removed were positive for cancer.  That means 13 were not (paging: Glass Half Full).  Lucky 13.

I hope those lucky 13 are not a moot point.

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