Crap

My life is crap and revolves around crap, My last chemo is next Friday 3/21. this chemo journey has been more than i bargained for and so much more difficult than i naively imagined.

Chemo began on Dec 13 and has continued EOW since. My treatments are on Friday but the misery begins 48 hours later and takes various forms but nearly always includes the inability to crap or, alternatively, crapping too much. Surely my stomach feels permanently distended. i have considered stabbing myself with a juice box straw just to get some relief but decided against that since that would just be another thing for BCBS to NOT cover.

My troubles with BCBS are too lenghy for a blog post so I am thinking about chronicling that in a white paper followed by a screenplay that would be turned into an Erin Go Brockovich (Happy St Pat’s Day) type film.

Back to crap, etc. I know I didn’t corner the market on chemotherapy trauma. i just share here because it is a safe haven for bitching among others who read without judgment and who may feel the same.

In addition to crap issues I have experienced twitchy legs. sleeplessness, insomnia, redundancy (wait-did i already say that?), forgetfulness,  itchy breakouts on my chest and arms, skin cracks/peels on hands and feet, neuropathy, sore throat, and of course I am bald.  But it all comes back to crap.  Nothing throughout this journey has caused me as much misery as the inability to crap or the inability to stop crapping.

At this point I am looking forward to my colonoscopy just so my GI tract can start over at zero.

oh cancer, how I loathe you.  Oh chemotherapy, how I hate you despite all the good you do. Oh former life – life before cancer – how I miss you.

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